dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
