I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
