I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize