I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
