Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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