I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
