guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
