Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
