my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
