I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
