glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
