make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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