im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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