The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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