It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
