wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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