My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
