So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
