Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
