Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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