i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
