Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
