yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
