Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
