garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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