He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
