Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
