would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
