Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
