I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I need a burrito and a hug.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
