I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
