Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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