No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
