textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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