Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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