Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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