508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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