I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
pray to the hookup gods
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
