dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
im on a boat
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