Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
