At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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