I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
