he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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