Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
