I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
