How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
