Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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