she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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