I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
