When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
