The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
