just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
