I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
