I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize