dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
