yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
