Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
