new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
