and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
