She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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