she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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