I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sober January is a disaster.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
