So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Randomize
