She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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