Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
