used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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