So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
