Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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