"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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