We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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