I think im going to throw up on grandma
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
