I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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