i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize