but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
