Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
ttyl tear gas
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
