So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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