Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
