I wannas sexs uuuuu
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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