i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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