I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
