We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
