Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize