I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
