As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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