Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this will be a night to untag.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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