The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
