So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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