I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
