First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
