Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
