Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
