I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
