Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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